The Day of the Jackhole

The Day of the Jackhole

Celebrating 40 years on this earth

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1986. KFC is not good for you.

September 28, 2011

Fast food is as exotic to me as foie grais. It is as mysterious and magical as a unicorn prancing through a meadow of rainbow lollipops as it farts butterfly fertilizer. Fast food. Its odors are bewitching, its textures cat-nippish. I see the giant red and white sign directly across the road. It hovers in the air. It is a holy chicken bucket grail.

“Over here, farm girl!” it whispers. “Here is your Chicken, direct from Kentucky!”

Oh, I am going to have you, Chicken! Because I am free! I am 15 years old. I am on a school excursion with the orchestra! And yes, that’s cool. I am unsupervised! I am unhindered. I am…lying in the road.

I have been hit by a car.

The hit by a car part, sure that’s a great memory. The compound ankle fracture with bonus dislocation so that it looked like my foot was on a piece of string. The chatty EMT’s. The driver, hysterical. Me thinking it was a blue holden for 5 years and finding out it was a brown Datsun. Three months in a variety of casts, some of which I painted in pretty schemes. Pins and plates that set airport detectors off…

But no. What I remember most is the anticipation for that first Kentucky Fried Chicken Burger that I was going to have when I crossed that street. How excited I was.

Two weeks later, when I get out of hospital the second time (after they put the pins and plates in), on the way out of town Mum drives us to Kentucky Fried Chicken. Inside, we sit down with our trays at a laminated table and I eat my first chicken burger.

“Is it as good as you thought it would be?” she asks.

I would answer her with words—use your words Janeen!—but I have to nod. Because my mouth is full of delicious fried chicken and mayonnaise.

I have never had one that tasted like that one EVER again.

Cast number 3.

 


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