The Day of the Jackhole

The Day of the Jackhole

Celebrating 40 years on this earth

You can scroll the shelf using and keys

1996. Honk if you’re stupid.

September 19, 2011

As I approach my trusty Subaru, I can tell something’s wrong. The door is wide open. I didn’t leave it open last night when I got home from work. And yet, there it is. Open. I slide in the driver’s seat. It seems fine.

Oh, wait, I think, as I slip the key into the ignition. The shitty stereo is gone. And now I’m laughing. I’m laughing at you, thief! That thing was a piece of… I look at the key. What’s that?

Some asshole has broken off the indicator lever, and the wipers lever. I have no levers. The hazzard light knob is gone.

This is irritating.

That shitty stereo musta really made someone angry.

Later, I go to a wrecker’s yard and get some spare parts and feel very superior as I skimp on getting a professional to do this and attach the console parts myself. A little wiring and I’m golden. Yeah, girl power!

I turn the key. The horn starts blaring immediately. When I hit the indicator lever, the wipers come on. I look at it again. Which wire… what did I…? Is this the wrong…? This guy said the ’75 console would work on the ’76 model. What the hell?

Grumbling, I drive to a garage. It’s not the first time in my life a conversation with a mechanic starts with: “I’ve done something stupid.”

 


Born in 1971?

Share a story about 1996 in the comments.

What do you think?

Please keep your comments polite and on-topic.